dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
