HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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