hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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