Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
