just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
