I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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