Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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