This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
