you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
