I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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