Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
