You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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