you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
