he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dick very happy bro
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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