Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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