Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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