i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
