i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
