Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
