in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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