Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
