So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
