I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
