By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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