you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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