i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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