i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
