Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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