Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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