Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
