Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
