You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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