hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
