Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
