We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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