the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Found the puke drawer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
