Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
