I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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