oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
