Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
