I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
