you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
