no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
