youre lurking in front of me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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