I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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