Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
