shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
