Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
