gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dicks are not precious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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