hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
