i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
