I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
