Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
