I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
