What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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