So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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