just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
