I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
