So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
