remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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