He passed out mid-signature
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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