I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
