I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
