if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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